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[13 Dec 2009|03:37pm] |
 adventures in bro-land? yesterday jason and i divvied up some norco, xanax and vicodin with beer to wash it down. felt relaxed and numb and pleasant. my first time taking prescription opiate pills or whatever. felt like a bro back in the day. after a cigarette at one point i began to get a bit nauseous and it was only alleviated after i laid on the cold bathroom tile. all better! so we popped the e. hehe yaaaay god i love that shit. we listened to a lot of old jazz and bossa nova, and bits of electronica. joao gilberto, charlie parker, count basie, thievery corporation, henry mancini... loves it. i began to text some friends that i havent seen in ages... well a little over a week or so i guess. got some responses, but then he texted me out of the blue. the squirrel nut zipper you might say? said he was newly single and wanted to hang out with me; i could tell he was excited. well i guess i am too :P but from here we must tread carefully. is he in pain? im going to interrogate his feelings so i know hes not just repressing some emotion. i dont need some sad baggage dropped on me. and i think that she must be very sad. but she was paranoid throughout and would tell others that i shouldn't see him. which only helped lead to the end im sure. so the lesson? dont be an inconvenient leech.
so i guess no comedown cos i am happy as clam :)
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[04 Dec 2009|02:48pm] |
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finally!!!!!!!!! im done with my jury exams. victory DOES wait on my fingers.  and im proud to say i did a good job. they were impressed. and surprisingly i was not so nervous. i kept taking big breaths while playing and it seemed to help. i have three more finals to pull out of my ass, but they are nothing compared to what i had to go through today. already feel like im on winter break. to drop the acid or not? well i will, but when i have no idea. in any case i will celebrate tonight and get trashed :D and meet some certain someones  in a more realistically female empowering image, i cannot get enough of bikini kill lately. ugh, i am so freaking happy its all over with! |
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[02 Dec 2009|06:10pm] |
  my first american apparel purchase. since when can i afford such extravagances? well it was ten dollars off, im in a "buy something to make yourself feel better" mood, but mostly theyre the cutest glasses ive seen yet. still wondering if im ever going to get around to having them filled with the prescription for my eyes. getting a bit tired of the big old black frames that everyone seems to have nowadays.  roflcopter. i should be shot for saying that but its been stuck in my head lately. speaking of great music.  radiohead, portishead, morrissey, beirut, cat power, fleet foxes, yeah yeah yeahs, sonic youth, the specials, new york dolls, madness, friendly fires, grizzly bear, depeche mode... to name a few. amazing no? best performance show, the only?, on television. its a shame i have to give up the cable next week. by the way, id rather not resort to putting them in the same paragraph, but katy perry, lady gaga, the noisettes, gossip, bat for lashes and regina spektor are all terribly boring. come on ladies, you can do better. now, where the hell are my buffalo wings. |
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[01 Dec 2009|11:05pm] |
 finally finished memorizing my speech. reciting a bit of juicy by mr. biggie smalls :P took me a little over an hour. tougher than i thought. of course it doesnt compare to memorizing a piece of classical music. thats another story alltogether. first final is up tomorrow. now too worried just some music theory. and i think i aced my logic exam :) also, why do professors think its okay to give an additional test before finals week? why not just make that the final? and no cumulative bull that nobody will remember anyways. rawrgh. talking to the old friend again. i know i should agree with him, but it bothers me that he aggressively tells his girl that its me on the other end. no drama, please. especially when i know she dislikes me. id go in for a hug and she'd be limp and cold. if she thinks im that much of a threat, well i have to say im flattered haha. she probably thinks im beastly. friday night wont come soon enough :( |
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[10 Oct 2009|01:33am] |
sooo i drew this picture for meet mix mogul in about a day. spent hours pencilling and inking and expected praise. like an ass. then saw a flier, without my drawing, with a seahorse as its' theme and of course i was sore. not use my drawing? and steal my theme? i was pissed. for about three hours until i was told that the drawing was to saved for a later date. for the bentleys? i dont know who they are but it definitely makes things better.
tonight i went to a "festival" in noho and saw a lot more familiar faces... then i wouldve liked. it was such a random event that i thought i would never go to. bj ran into mr. three sheets. it was all very hectic but who minds when im tipsy. such as now. a member of animals on coke asked where the dude was. i only shrugged in response. why should i care? well bj told me he liked my plainness. so i guess im plain? good? i dont really know.
afterwards we went to a bar called norwood on... on some street. but i would pass it many a time. they played real old school hip hop and the place was packed. i felt out of place, but at the same time.. completely comfortable. oh southern california... how i love you unconditionally.
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[05 Oct 2009|05:36pm] |
what a lovely weekend. first was the eagle rock music festival... which was free. which also made it packed with processed rocknrollbluesies and unsuspecting families. was strange. but also got to eat two free tacos! listened to pocahaunted in what looked like a small church dancefloor to the side, behind the pupusa vendors. selling plantains i could not afford :( two free tacos! and lots of modelo and mickeys, blegh, in big gulp cups with cops strolling down the streets. we would refill the cups in portapotties. luxuriously dirty. saw the first two songs or so of peanut butter wolf, took a while to set up but who cares cos zach de la rocha was standing right next to us. if i was still 13 i wouldve freaked out in tears. zach de la rocha! he is short. er than i realized.
we ended the whole thing with seeing no age, for the millionth time, but theyre so fun why does it matter. wore my big glasses and jesus sandals but i was too drunk to care and flailed myself into the mosh pit and shoved everybody around like a complete asshole. just a really healthy way to let out some my aggression. so now im just really in the mood to go to noise or hardcore shows and get knocked around. seems like my maturity is going backwards but ugghh its just too fun. and con and i were the only ones out of our friends, and the only girls in the audience, who stuck it out. props.
the next day we went to echo curio to see allah las and sad horse and bugs and such. walked around outside in the fall cold with pabst blue ribbons in brown paper bags. the coppahz said none. but when we told the man in charge what we were sipping he replied "how very tight pants of you". well we sported tight pants into our 7th anniversary, why should we not wear them? urban outfitters never dictated how to sew up our pants back in high school. theres no need to be ashamed in clothing that will remain fashionable even when it loses its fad.
this sunday, crossing my fingers: part time punks fest at the echo with the raincoats, crystal stilts, rainbow arabia, gang of four, lady from the slits, kid congo powers, savage republic and such and such. looks fun with lots of old school punk. yeah they might be a little wrinkly, but im down!
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[27 Sep 2009|05:04pm] |
actually spent some time to draw something. pushing to make it mine. jumble of styles but ill always have that pen and paper. anyways its all for distraction. and now that ive finished i feel pretty bummed again which is just absolutely silly.
after seeing him at los toros i just couldnt accept the fact that we'd be forever estranged. immature, no? so i tell him that i know i was lame and weird to him but that we always had good times so lets still be okay like sort of friends. theres nothing that makes me sad more to know that a person i once had great adventures with has forgotten that connection he or she had so much potential for. since when have we become complete strangers? he says that i shouldnt think of myself as lame. even though honestly im pretty sure i was a weird. and he said he was a baby and everything was good and we would hang out soon. formalities, but it made me happier. i hated how we had left things the night he broke it off.
but even better. i guess he told mart that he felt like an asshole. yeah, but that kind of makes me look pitiful. so no thanks, not that he wanted me to find this out. and mart said he was an idiot. as did bj and manny. this made me feel very happy because his friends like me and i had felt very confused about myself after getting the dump. a fat girl does not need any more insecurities.
anyways, this makes me feel a lot better. but it also gives me that false hope that i do notttt want to even peek at. itll only make things worse. and this is where i go back to the drawing board.
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[13 Sep 2009|11:01pm] |
i am so freaking bored. but i dont think i can bring myself to fill out another stinking survey. so i guess ill have to post and admire some clothes
( ... )
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[11 Sep 2009|08:07am] |
i have 17 dollars to last me until wednesday. which is more like 2 dollars because its friday and the weekend is starting. better ration that gas.
i don't mean to be that girl set on tradition, but it is nice having a boyfriend when he insists on driving me around and buying me movie tickets or food :) of course that means i buy the more extravagant vices... like alcohol. but boy am i happy to. recession, baby. so yeah, new boyfriend.
the day before it happened we all went to fuck yeah fest, which was pretty amazing. wavves, lightning bolt, fucked up, tim & eric, no age and black lips all at a park on the edge of chinatown.
im sheltering my face after it got landed on by eric when he decided to stage dive on top of my head. and the worst was when right after that happened the crowd swarmed-crushed me to get a closer look at him. out of all the bands, why do i get damaged at tim and eric. i really only positioned myself there to get a good view for the next bands. then again, after no age i left with beer, water and cotton candy soda in my hair and a bruised nose and nearly threw up from dehydration at black lips. yay festivals. earlier in the day i drank too many ridiculously expensive drinks, and liquor after beer (tsk tsk), and pretty much flirted with this guy i only met once before but insisted i design his tattoo. yes the alcohol assisted, but i was mostly bummed because i felt frank was being all distant and weird. made me feel shitty and like 'hey boyzzz whatz uppp' also tumbled in the grass with some fool in a straw hat tripping on acid.
when i got home that night i said i wanted to talk. he said he did too. started to mentally prepare myself to lose this crazy opportunity to be with someone who doesn't have an ounce of coward or douchebag in him. but we sat at his little skate park and though it happened pretty fucking awkwardly, it happened. really goddamn happy.
wow, look at how cool these people are just chillin at the vermont house. FAIL. went with the 'east of the 405' crowd, ill never use that term again but i couldnt think of anything else to describe them, to see marty and cobalt cranes. its like where all the assholes from the smell congregate. nobody was mean to me but they were remixing old daft punk, talk about dull and 5 years ago, and insulting marty >:l because their sad little minds only went so musically far as vampire weekend. OUCH haha. plus the vibes were all wrong. its a party, get along. not to be all valley crazy, but you dont get that shit around here. there could be a room with the lamest people, but theyll all kick it together. even if theyre assholes during the daytime. you could literally go up to anyone and hug them and share old stories that never even happened. its just funny that paper magazine would write an article about this place. just because the house has a roof/patio and the girls wear floral doesnt necessarily mean theyre the shit. not even hipster shit.
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[23 Aug 2009|10:35pm] |
i start school tomorrow. took cough medicine to fall asleep, and because im a little sick, but its not working. maybe cos im trying to sleep six hours earlier than usual. good job kat. spent the last three hours frenetically planning everything for a most likely zombie morning. hmm. and i was about to drink heavily tonight!
 
fun is definitely not over. this sunday frank and i will meet up with the con and adrian for dare i say... double date? but who cares we're going to the silent movie theatre to see no age play a live soundtrack for the bear! fun fun fun. was deathly afraid that i wouldnt go but i just bought my tickets :) i keep thinking he is annoyed of me so i was all nervous... but i guess not so thats good.
maybe some indian jewelry on the 27th. fuck yeah fest on sept. 5 with black lips and tim and eric. maybe its always sunny in philadelphia 'the night man cometh' on the 25th. and perhaps if im lucky some cocorosie, wavves and pixiiieeesssssss. and david sedaris but thats all the way in may. why do all the good shows happen in the fall. maybe cos the air is cool and jackets are another piece to add to cute ensembles. happy.
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[22 Aug 2009|01:15pm] |
dream: i went back to my room with frank and some other girl i'd never seen before. she was nice. we were about to go to a party and i wanted to find a different shirt to wear so i was digging through my closet. a group of people come in and start hanging out. i dont mind even if theyre a little loud. i keep saying i need to find a different shirt but all i see are weird girly clothes like a rainbow striped skirt with these awful ruffles. i need to find a black v-neck shirt for a party that only allows people in a black v-neck shirt to come in. more people noisily pile into my room. i know my mom is the only one home so i start to yell and say that they need to get out. i tell them it isn't a party. they are all surprised and agree to go. people start to come out of my closet to leave and at the end of the line i see a middle aged fat man come out with my mom. i get pissed and start to scream. i pull him and hold him by his collar and slap him. his nose starts to bleed but i feel like im not hitting him hard enough. everything goes in slow motion. i push him to the ground and sit on top of him as i start to punch his face. he says some things in between punches that i dont understand, but it pisses me off more so i sock him harder. blood starts to come from his forehead and i stop. i get up and me and frank decide its time to bone out. i yell at my mom one more time and then we head for the mall of the future.
it looks like this immense space station. i remember looking at some stores. dont know the details. its time to go to these weird space ships thatll take us somewhere safe. except i feel like a fugitive, and im not sure whether i killed the guy or not, so im just in this state of awful paranoia. we pass the 'scene of the crime' and i see a bunch of guy in these sterile blue suits investigating the body and such. i hurry by and try not to trip over my own feet. we finally get to the spaceship but the entrance requires that only one person can enter at a time. you have to step past this layer of green goo and pass a certain test. it is usually an eye scan and you have to run your id card through several different times to gain access. frank goes first and is successful. i go in next but instead of an eye scan it goes on to make me play this simluation of some battle. i have to say a series of numbers to deploy ships and people around me clap when i do. they're all these middle aged men with blue tooths and such making important business calls. the battle takes too long and i feel like its meaningless so i give up and try my luck by actually entering the main area of the ship. it works.
the ship is crowded. the first room looks like a food court. i ordered the deep fried fish last time and i didnt like it. i pass by little nooks and crannies and finally see frank sitting down at a table with some chubby guy. i sit down and ask what i should get to eat. he says he should get the same indian plate he has but without the island and the desert. i dont know if i tried to go get it or not. all of a sudden the spanish inquisition starts and a long line of people pass. most of them carry long stretchers with dead men in v for vendetta/guy fawkes masks. at the head and foot of each stretcher is a little baby, alive, who receives kisses from those that carry them.
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[16 Aug 2009|11:55am] |
the joys of being a reuben sandwich. dont put turkey in it! or pastrami. it could only be corned beef, sauerkraut, mayo and swiss on rye bread. some say to put thousand island, but dont you think the little chunks of relish conflict with the all-encompassing glory that is the shredded german cabbage they call kraut?
why is it that the headliner in today's news is the pregnancy of a kardashian, and not the recent drop of a public option for health reform? good job, world.
last night started at midnight but it was eventful nonetheless. the show was at an airport but as soon as i arrived i drop into the lap of the bar and order a beer. he's there but we seem to put our focus on old friends. which is good because i feel i havent taken some time out of a burgeoning... something, and played with the people i knew before. well i played with them by taking shots in the parking lot. met the rest of bastidas and theyre all so ridiculously sweet and charming and i felt no qualms of displaying my drunken friendliness. and they enjoyed it. ahh new faces are always so nice. especially when theyre not hard on the eyes. after it all ends a group of us, maybe around 14, go to the diner, where i obviously had my reuben. i sit with two punk kids both named george. they were cousins and the easiest way to tell them apart was that one was wearing a leather jacket with buttons and the other wore a jean jacket with studs. the one with leather tells me he wants to get with con, and i secretly look him over to see if she would approve. but it seems incredibly unlikely that anything would happen... i told him there was a waiting list. meanwhile my legs are locked with another under the table and i try to hide my smiles. the cripple is at the other table staring us down and whispering obscenities in jealousy that he isnt sitting at our table. i constantly fix my shirt because i could feel the eyes staring down my neck. im told its instinct, and i believe them but it is not necessarily my instinct to just sit there and take it.
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[06 Aug 2009|12:05am] |
ending of summer school is killing me. analytical paper, doc. review and quite possibly a missed assignment are due by midnight on saturday. will i even be able to go out that day? i planned to see kiwi's art show and try to catch the last hours of mekja's 21st birthday. these are both vital to not only being entertained but for being with those that i actually care about. RAWRGH. i would get started now but i just finished the last exam and i am fucking pooped even with the help of concentrated caffeine. i got a b on it :l fuck. cant get a c so its making me hang by a thread.
i also lost peanut for a couple of hours today. the back door was open and by the time i got home from piano she was long gone. i fucking freaked out. drove around trying to make each little street worthwhile. cried a little, was too frantically worried for tears, and was just in a state of anguish. overreacting? miko is gone and i swear if someone ran over peanut or picked her up cos shes cute... id probably go into hysterics. i literally love her, she is always with me and if i lost her i dont know what id do. shes unmistakably my best friend. turns out a kind lover of dogs took her in and inquired later in the day if she just so happened to be mine. i almost burst into tears in front of him.
on a lighter note... i was told i have excellent sight reading. hurrah. i know its not 100 percent true, and by the 15th page my brain begins to go numb, but here's to busting shit out when i havent practiced.
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[26 Jul 2009|02:41pm] |
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arrived at the party a little too early (at the par-teee) and sat in front drinking a slow beer and a quick cigarette. say hello to some old friends i havent seen in weeks and catch up in all the drama. mostly we hung out in the shadows together trying to console his "jealous lover" . turn into a teenage goo goo muck. 'if you kiss her, you have to kiss me twice as hard!' i dont think he knew i was listening in. seems like hours, the party gets bigger but we decide that it is dead regardless of how many drinks ive had. the stupor has worn off anyways. we tried to leave but the last person needed is rolling on ecstacy and dancing by himself in the backyard. i go to try to convince him its time to leave, we were his ride, but all i get is bumping and grinding and the taps from random strangers for me to stay. it is definitely time to go. the dj was good though. i remember hearing some blonde redhead i havent heard in ages, some crystal castles, and i cant really remember what else. frankie vallie but the effect of that mix has worn off a long time ago. so we leave him behind and drive to a friend's house for more cerveza. the host sits on his broken leg watching boyz in the hood, and inevitably the passive aggression starts. in a friendly way. i lean back amused and see some glances from the bear and cannot help but falter a little. his face is fuzzy and his wit is sharp. if you can call it that. but it is only for looking and not touching anyways. in the end we exchange watermelon kisses and i stumble to the car. tonight is up in smoke.
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[25 Jul 2009|05:53pm] |
what to say. last time we spent hours on top of a hill too busy talking to watch the stars. lying under the tree and trying to keep each other warm on a curiously foggy summer night. how cheesy but i never experienced anything so cheesily honest with a guy, so of course i love it. earlier that same night he crawled out of bed to answer my call and spend some time. there were many people where i was at celebrating the final scenes being completed for the video. i dont know who started it but we were acting very close in front of those that i meet from time to time but they were already readily acquainted with him. felt a little... self conscious.
i keep forgetting how beautiful she sings. watching something like american masters episode on her. mentioned jimmy cooper and benny goodman. i may not be jazz savvy but goodness i love that pop and swing. one day i will understand modal. if it's possible. the solos get me, but do i really get them? oh billie billie billie. you give me goosebumps and cloak my skin with buttercups at the same time.
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[20 Jul 2009|02:08pm] |
there is no way im going to be able to do my homework. usually im into watching documentaries on how fucked up our world is but im in too much of a happily excited mood. yesterday i saw kenneth anger films.
they were beautiful and surreal and filled with symbolism that i was too tipsy to really pick apart. ill watch them again someday. they showed lucifer rising, rabbit's moon, images, scorpio rising and something i didnt catch the name of. i cant get over his taste in music... it makes me smitten. its funny how much i paid attention to it compared to seeing nothing of bride of frankenstein the night before, which is obviously a lot easier to understand. but the dj spinned bauhaus and joy division and i couldnt be happier.
ive seen his face a couple times now. i can still count them on my fingers and i should change that. i told him we should move slower cos i cant do it alone. its like im incapable of restraining myself. he said the same. we don't have very much in common and don't have much to talk about yet, but we're always blabbering about what we're thinking at the moment... were you embarrassed then... no i thought you were and so and so. or how theres incredibly awkward instances that we can crack up about and then cheerily recline like it was a high point of the day. im glad we're both stuttering dorks. it makes things so much more comfortable, even though you think it wouldnt. two negatives make a positive i guess.
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[18 Jul 2009|12:49am] |
just got back from the camping trip. hiked 8 miles! i cannot believe it either. i was eating so much when i got home and began to dread the exercise routine until i realized that i climbed down two miles of mountain earlier today. thank goodness i could eat my chocolate cake without worry.
watching delicatessen and it is quite good. never know what to expect next. amelie was amazing but i can already tell this is more of my kind of movie. clever french blood and gore, yes please. also the funny bits like when he and the meat mistress are imitating sex by bouncing on the bed in different angles to find the squeaky spring. times a million. or how the phrase 'life is beautiful' sets off the bullshit detector.
couldnt stop thinking about him. still cant. its just very exciting to know how excited he is about it all. i hope i see him tomorrow. which will only happen if he cancels his previous plans... just for me. well he should after my big mouth slipped up and loudly proclaimed to a friend how our date could go perfectly. i guess it put him in a good mood because we started to tumble like playful puppies.
listening to a lot of crass. what a fucking rip off. oy oy oy.
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[14 Jul 2009|01:39am] |
im on those pills again and i guess my tolerance lowered because it doesnt look like ill be sleeping again tonight. to occupy my twakked out mind ive been on a long run of watching skate videos. realize i dont know much about the pros but so far im obsessed with andrew reynolds and dustin dollin
 
i hope it doesnt look as dorky or desperate as it seems. and its not like im infatuated with their looks or anything. i remember going to black lips show and putting my hands on spanky long to get by in the crowd. i thought he was a girl and the only thought on my mind was trying to find an open spot to have a cigarette. wasnt until the ecstatic bubbling rant of a friend that i realized who it was i brushed by. and i still didnt give a fuck. but now im completely enamored with dollin. its not like he has the cleanest of tricks but i love how he just goes for it and doesnt give a damn. results in some of the craziest shit ive ever seen. reynolds on the other hand is completely stylish and his ocd proves fruitful because that guy can fucking fly. okay its dorky. like omg sk8r boi. ah well.
and i want to see harry potter. the last one was just awful to be honest... well they all are except the third one. bride of frankenstein this saturday after three days of hiking and camping! its going to be a good week.
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[13 Jul 2009|12:47am] |
bravo bravo bravo. top chef masters blows the original completely out of the water. i watch reality shows but tend to skip over the drama cos it just makes everything so drab and pitiful. so in top chef i just want to see the amazing food they can pull out of their asses in less than thirty minutes. now that it's masters all the competitors are already well well well established executive chefs and the prize is a donation to the winner's charity of choice. the whole show is unbelievably likeable except for one tiny, or rather stick thin, aspect: the host. the casting of padma whatever seemed infinitely more valid than the frail looking model theyve shoved in for looks. im probably just jealous that she gets to eat all this great food without having any prior food critic experience or credentials. and the eye makeup screams tweaker.
sooo i guess ahemcoughcough wanted to see me tonight to watch a movie, either the ol' wickerman or the new bruno, but i had too much to do. there never wouldve been enough time to get through bach and shower and put on makeup and so and so before i go out to meet him. but it puts me in such a nice mood. finally! someone likes me. apparently he's a really good skater and for now thats pretty adorable but later itll probably make me all gooey inside. in fact ive already been watching way too much epicly later'd. plus the way he dresses reminds me a of a more casual joy division. okay ill shut up now.
for about the past two weeks i havent exercised. badddd. but i did tonight and i got nauseous and my knees felt weak awfully quick. how sad. i felt like i could feel my cheeks blowing up. but i ran the mile faster than i had before! nice. just need to make my work out sessions a little earlier because these summer nights, except for this particular day, seem utterly eventful. which is a good thing but i must remember to utilize the hard stuff and not depend on that delicious but blubbersome beer.
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hothamwater's journal
